What I do when I fail

I fail at things much more than you might imagine, given that I've written motivational articles and articles related to success.

I fail at all of that stuff, and it feels just as horrible for me as it does for anyone else.

I get down on myself, feel guilty, try to avoid thinking about it, would rather hide it from everyone else.

Failing at things can really suck.

And yet, I get back up and try again.

I fail at eating healthy on a regular basis, but I keep trying again. I'm not that good these days at sticking to an exercise plan, I've failed and I'm trying again, regularly.

I've made several attempts at starting a company, and scrapped it all each time because it didn't feel right. And yet, I started again, and I'm almost done now.

I fail at loving myself. But I don't give up on that.

I fail at being a good friend, a good brother, seemingly multiple times a day. But I continue to try, and sometimes I succeed.

When I try over and over again, once in a while I succeed.

So what's the secret? Well, there isn't any. You just have to keep trying.

That said, here's what I've found to work:

1. I learned a more flexible mindset.

When you are rigidly trying to stick to a plan or achieve a goal, and things don't go according to plan, then you feel like crap and things can get derailed. But if you have a more flexible mindset, and think "I might not go according to plan but that's OK because things might change," then it's not a disaster when you get off track. There's no single track that you have to stay on.

2. I came to realize that every attempt is about learning.

When you fail, that's actually really good information. Before you failed, you thought that something would work, but then real world information came in that told you it didn't work. That means you now know something you didn't know before. That's excellent. Now you can adjust your plan, figure something new out, try a new method. Keep learning.

3. I ask for help

When I'm struggling with something, I know that I can either give up, or I can figure out a better way, so I reach out to my friends, trusted family members, and I ask them. They might give me simple, obvious, why-didn't-I-see-that advice that I need, or brilliant tips, or accountability. Whatever happens, my friends and loved ones never seem to fail me.

4. I give myself a break.

If I'm struggling, sometimes my mind or body just needs a break from the discipline. So I'll take a day or two off, or a week, or even more. There's no set time that's right for every situation, so I've been learning to go by feel. For some things, I've taken a month or two off from trying to learn something.

5. I remind myself why it's important.

It's easy to give up on something, because not doing it is always easier. But giving up means you're loosing something important, like helping someone, and so if my reasons for doing something aren't just selfish, then I will renew my vigor for the struggle. This alone is often enough to get me going again, especially if I'm doing it to help someone important, like my friends.

I realize that I'm far from perfect, and that the guilty secrets I hide inside myself are no different that anyone else's. You guys are just like me, in the inside, and while we all share the commonality of failing to live up to our better nature, we also share the bond of being able to start again.

So start again.

Think about your life goals

There's never a good time to sit down and think about what you want to accomplish in life. We have busy lives, and even when we're not busy, we might just feel more like vegging in front of the TV or checking our feeds than thinking about the rest of our lives.

Do it today, if you haven't yet. It could take as little as 10 or 20 minutes, and it could make all the difference in the world.

And it's not that hard. You probably already have a good idea of what you want to do, but you may not have written down. Or maybe you've done this exercise before, but you haven't updated your goals for awhile. Now's the time to do it.

1. How to start? First, think about what you'd like people to say about you at your funeral.
This comes from Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly effective people- the habit called "Begin with the end in mind." It's also very effective. Imagine you are at the end of your life, looking back. What would you like to have accomplished? What kind of person would you like to have been?
Now here's the key: start living your life so that you will eventually get to that point.

2. Now that you've given that a little thought, jot down some ideas for life goals you'd like to achieve before you die.
They can be in many areas, but here are few to start with: professional, education, family, spiritual, travel, recreation, hobbies, community, charity. You can probably think of more, and you don't need to have goals in all these areas. Just some topics to get you started.

3. Refine your list, or expand it.
After your initial brainstorm, you may want to trim it down. But you may also want to expand: sometimes it's fun, and worthwhile, to dream big.

4. Now break it down.
What should you accomplish in the next 10 years for each of these goals? How about 5 years? How about two years? One year? And this month?
Once you've planned out each goal for 10 years, 5 year, 2 year, 1 year and 1 month periods, you've got yourself a solid plan.

5. Take action!
I like to take my monthly goals, and make a to-do list for this week. What can I do today to further my goals? And if I can get just one thing done, I've done a lot to make those dreams a reality!

Take a step towards your dreams today by writing them down, and making a plan.

The Empty Container

Our lives get so complicated not overnight but gradually.

The complications creep up on us, one insignificant step at a time.

Today I ordered something online, tomorrow someone gifts me a gift, then I decide I need some new tools. One item at a time, the clutter accumulates, because I'm not constantly purging the old.

Today  I say yes to an email request, tomorrow I say yes to a party invitation, then I get asked to a quick cup of coffee, then I decide to be a part of a project. One yes at a time, and soon my life is full and I don't know how I got so busy.

I look at news site, then a social media site, then my email, then read an interesting article, then watch an online video someone sent me... and soon my day is gone, and I didn't get much done, and my life gets eaten away in minuscule bites.

How do we protect against this feature creep, this complication creep? We have to take a step back, regularly.

Instead of thinking, "how can I get rid of this complicated mess?".... Lets ask, "What if I started with a blank slate?"

What would you do if your life was a blank slate?

If it were an empty container, with limited space, what would you put in it?

For me, I might put in some play time, reading time and exercise time; some long walks and talks with good friends and close relatives; work that matters to me and helps others; continual learning; and time alone to meditate and spend with my thoughts and good book.

Those are the things that I'd put into my empty container, because they feel right to me. What would you choose?

Once we've figured that out, we know what belongs in the container... now we just need to constantly look at things and activities and requests and tasks, and ask "Is this one of my container items?"